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"One Presentation an Executive Would Like to Forget" [continued]

...and fall just below my knees. I could've just as well worn a barrel with shoulder straps. I did find some trunks in the youth section that would've fit me, but I wasn't open to having Barney or a Power Ranger on my fly."

Mike finally settled on an extra small men's size, buried deep within the rack. Still, the trunks would look like Bermuda shorts on him. The elastic waistband was barely secure -- and only when he exhaled. "I knew I'd have to be careful," says Mike.

When he got to the pool, Mike dived instinctively into the deep end with no forethought to the teetering trunks. As he began his kick to ascend, he noticed an impediment; he looked down to see his trunks around his ankles. In one fluid motion (pun intended), Mike pulled up the trunks under water, uncoiled his body, and shot out of the water, clutching his trunks as he climbed the pool ladder. "My swimming workout was officially over," Mike says.

Fortunately, Mike had been the only one in the pool. Other guests were lying poolside, but none had seen his exhibition. He took a staircase down to the dressing room, grabbing a towel for his waist as he passed through. He headed down a hallway that led to a lounge, and as he rounded the corner, applause erupted. "What the hay?" Mike wondered aloud.

The applause turned to hoots, hollers and whistles. "At first, I thought that my client had set up a gag," says Mike. But suddenly, it became painfully clear why these complete strangers -- at least 50 of them -- were cheering for me: They had just seen my finest performance."

There, along the back wall of the lounge, was a huge window to the pool's underwater world -- a gallery for the patrons. Mike raised one hand in recognition, then scurried to his room.

"It's a good thing no one in my audience worked for me," says Mike. "If they had, I would've had to fire them for sexual harassment."

[back to start of story]


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